Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

It is well known fact that many individuals on this planet are struggling with trauma pain (TP), also called CPTSD, but don’t understand it. I will take a few moments to put together a brief look at this and offer what I have come to understand and the remedies people are using.

TP is generally experienced when you are the object of a narcissist's control or an alcoholic’s rage and abuse. It also happens at the hands of a pedophile or sexual abuse of any kind. It can be physical, emotional, or sexual. When the abuse happens, and you don’t have a functioning available parent to help you get through the pain inflicted, or you are an adult, simply just taking it, your mind will stuff the memory and the subsequent pain. This generally happens in your brain's right hemisphere, and the attempt to ignore it occurs.

Most likely, you will experience much more of this trauma depending on the relationships in your life, including your family of origin, unless there are people available to help extract you from the perpetrators.

Now I am going to go someplace that took me many years to understand. The TP doesn’t go away and will haunt you for the rest of your life if intervention doesn’t occur. And for many years, no one seemed to understand this. It wasn’t until recently that the likes of Pete Walker, John Bradshaw, Brene Brown, and Alice Miller began to share their understanding of this problem. And what they brought to the table is remarkable and frightening. They discovered that the trauma we were receiving, resulting from an angry society breaking down, was usually absorbed by the body's neurological system, which hangs on to it tightly. And the kicker is that it damages our mind and body and complicates our lives in ways not previously understood. It seems to be able to control how we interact with the people around us in very destructive ways and interfere with our sleep patterns. Because we stuff the right hemisphere of our brains with unpleasant, painful memories, we are left only the left hemisphere to operate and see the work. And that isn’t working well for the postmoderns, us! (covered in a previous post)

After many years of not sleeping well characterized by waking up with a rapid heart rate and sweating, I eventually realized that these panic attacks were creating other health problems for me. This included what they call metabolic disorders. More on this later.

I discovered that the trauma memories had created panic attacks in my sleep. The memories were being relived in my slumber, and I was experiencing the trauma as it occurred in the original moment of the abusive event. The event's memory had been stored in the brain's right hemisphere and put away, seemingly, never to be remembered again. It reminds me of when someone tells you to forgive and forget. You don’t forget, but you can forgive.

Sleep interruption for most of your life will cause many problems that are never dealt with. I recently read a report that found a connection between Alzheimer's and trauma memory. This study suggested a relationship with, say, a man living with a narcissistic wife for many years who will be diagnosed with the debilitating disease of Alzheimer's. It is suggested that the lifetime of trauma and gaslighting will eventually take its toll on the neurology of the husband in this case. The resulting anxiety and sleep deprivation from this abuse might be the culprit. It reminds me of when I was in my 40s when I told a friend I knew why men my age drank.

Let's talk about possible remedies to the trauma pain, CPTSD, coined by Pete Walker, that originated from a narcissistic mate, sexual abuse from a pedophile or abusive priest, or simply a dysfunctional, toxic family. I'll not exclude the guys coming back from unnecessary wars on this.

I'm not a certified therapist, but I have dedicated many hours with several close friends to understand this battle. And fortunately, we’ve discovered authors of reputation that have done the homework for us.

As for sleeping better, I have discovered some things that work for me. I have been using a juice I make and drink daily to keep anxiety and inflammation in check. A drink made of turmeric, ginger, pepper, carrot, and orange juice. Before bed, and through the day as well, I take 50mg of CBD in the form of a tart. (You can get these online from a company called Lazarus Naturals). I often fix a small amount of water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar or a couple of Advil. Apple cider vinegar is an excellent anti-inflammatory at any time of the day. I also wear a watch to bed that tracks my REM sleep to gauge my remedies.

To get the sleep in order and the daily anxiety cycles under control, it is helpful to find a counselor or therapist who understands CPTSD and get some clarity on the trauma memories. I spent 20 years in creative dialogue with people with a similar history, engaged in what we called “diving into the well of grief.” This has been an ongoing process for us as well. This has been a good strategy, with much still being revealed to us.

Conclusion                                                                                               

A lot has been covered here, so take time to think it through. There are as many as 40% of the population defined as narcissists. This is a big problem. They are destructive, and we need to learn more about how to deal with this so as not to have so much TP to deal with, not to mention the rise in pedophiles and alcoholics on the planet. And find someone qualified to talk about our trauma memories. Be bloody honest with yourself. And your sleep patterns. Please don't ignore it. Getting good REM sleep at night will revolutionize your life.

Sources to investigate:

Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma (An Azure Coyote Book), 2013

Alice Miller, Drama of the Gifted Child, The Search for the True Self (Perennial), 1981

John Bradshaw, Healing The Shame that Binds You (Health Communications, Inc), 1988

David Whyte, Well of Grief, River Flow, New and Selected Poems (Many Rivers Press), 2017

Youtube Channels:

Bonshea Making Light of the Dark

Empaths & Old Souls

Carl Jung and the Creative Bridge

Jordan Peterson official

I Married a Narcissist

TED, The Power of Vulnerability, Brene Brown