Novus Theos, no. 6
“What we don’t know as a society, a people, a nation, will frighten you.”
Her Story
In an earlier conversation today with a friend, I stated how we are neurologically compromised(McGilchrist); we are clearly at a disadvantage as citizens of the postmodern era. We are not doing well as a people, we Westerners. Our culture was created for us, to influence the way we operate and behave. We have lost our way because we have no horizon, no end game. We haven’t figured out where we want or need to go. No True North!
I’ve known many people who have struggled their entire lives, being held back emotionally and spiritually because of the abuse, gaslighting, and shaming they received as children and later as adults in abusive relationships with alcoholics and narcissists. They never knew forgiveness, joy, and a knowledge of their true self. Their life was a dysfunctional chain of abusive and painful relationships, and the pain was never given a chance to be resolved and healed. The postmodern culture exemplifies the general dysfunctional society we live in.
My mother was one of those people. Her early years in Missouri were as abusive and dysfunctional as they come. Father was an alcoholic, a brother was an alcoholic, a sister was diagnosed as borderline and a mother was a pain-ridden narcissist if not a borderline personality! Mother had no chance with this family; the cards were stacked against her. She was emotionally immature, and everything else that comes from such persons raised in this environment—anxiety, gaslighting, shame, and physical and emotional trauma. Knowing the family, I can clearly understand the state of her being throughout her life. The extended family wasn’t much help either.
Once she met my father and got pregnant, hoping to secure a decent future for herself, neither one of them was in any condition to be of help to the other due to my father being a neurotic mess himself from years of traumatic pain that drove him to medicate whatever trauma experienced as a catholic youth coming out of the dust bowl in southwest Kansas and later serving in the Korean War. I still haven’t been able to get any information about his father and what kind of man he was, only to know he imported illicit liquids into a dry state during prohibition years and made enough money to purchase prime commercial real estate in a small town in Kansas afterward. This came back to haunt him in his later years. I did know my father’s brothers, who were drinking men as well indicating they all experienced things as children that left them for want of alcohol to medicate whatever pain they had memory of.
I am revealing their history to drive a point, which is why Yeshua is called the Way, the Truth, and the Life. And this applies to all of us on the planet Earth. We left the garden in an attempt to have it our way, separated, in a corrupted relationship with our Creator. And things haven’t improved for humanity much since, except for who the bible calls the “remnant.” And this applies to all of us on the planet Earth. My mother, my father, and all their offspring, not forgetting their ancestors, need all that Yeshua has to offer. Pick any of the three he proclaims, and you are off to a good start.
I don’t think my mother was ever informed of Yeshua’s real message to the world, let alone understand what our messiah spoke of during his time on earth. She joined the Catholic Church before the wedding, marrying my father, yet the church was helpless to help her and him. I don’t think she could seek psychological counseling, either. It was something society frowned on in the 50s and 60s where we came from. Besides, things like that cost money, of which they had none to spare with nine mouths to feed and clothe. That said, I know from experience that if she were to get started down the road to restoration, it would most likely take years of constant visits to a counselor to get anything done. Working out the trauma memories she had filed away in her compromised neurology would have taken years. Then, you would have the family stuck in a rut, and they wouldn’t make it easy for her to progress.
Spoken truth to her regularly on Sunday mornings would have gone a long way. I’ve railed about this for many years. Priests and pastors have an opportunity every Sunday to speak truth to their congregations and talk about the course and life our “Restorer” Yeshua came to offer through the Holy Spirit he sent back to us after his departure and ascension to Heaven.
We are all to share in the mission to share the gospel message of love, forgiveness, and restoration to the world. Be light and salt to the world, we are told! If we get on board with our commission, fewer moms, dads, and families will live in desperation and despair like my mother. The abundant life Yeshua promised is available to all who ask and seek. God knew we were in a tough place, all of us. And since He knew the garden event was the beginning of a story of many not making it, He sent our Messiah to give us a way to live “fully alive.” Here is where God is most pleased and glorified when his creation lives a long and prosperous life, blessed with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Take Away for the Faithful
What would that look like today? How do we impact lives that have only known abuse and violence? By being light and salt, yes, it would genuinely be a paradigm shift from what we do as the church today.
Initially, it would require educating the church and the persons involved in this ministry. We need to create a ministry that understands child and spousal abuse dynamics. This would be a great start to understand and apply ourselves where the abuse occurs. Part of that understanding is identifying the individuals before they marry and getting them help. Our pews are populated with adults impacted by child abuse and youngsters being abused. As A.W. Tozer said, the pews on Sunday mornings across this country are filled with persons looking to hear something to help them make sense of their lives. And, if the statistics are correct, 40% of our population is identified as narcissists, meaning these persons are abused and have mommy and daddy issues of all kinds and types. They significantly impact their children and spouses in the most unfortunate ways. The church will have to open themselves to what is happening in the shadows of the families showing up on Sunday mornings and introduce them to the restorative gospel preached by Yeshua during his life on planet Earth.
Finale
God bless you, mother. You did your best with what you were given to work with. We all need to be braver going forward and love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
