Testimony
It’s Friday in Colorado, and it’s three days away from my 69th birthday.
In our conversation this morning, we discussed people who were emotionally available to us as we were growing up. I could only think of three people in my lifetime in fact, three persons who could be emotionally available to me in my 69 years.
I could ask many other individuals to come up with a number for me, and they would have a higher number count because they have a proper definition of emotionally available. Generally speaking, most of us are not open to anyone. That would explain the numbers that reveal a 40% narcissist population in our society. That certainly explains a lot of societal disorders we are seeing presently.
Despite my experiences, the remedy for me was the salvation offer Yeshua presented to me personally. And I’ll tell you why.
Having traveled the evangelical movement in America for twenty-five years or more, they preached a lot about being saved via speaking in tongues. My recollection from the gospels is that Yeshua said in the temple about his ministry. Quoting Isiah, he tells us he came to set the captives free and to heal the brokenhearted. And if you consider the entirety of the bible, it doesn’t take long to see that humanity needs a Savior. We are a greedy, selfish, destructive, prideful human race. History is the story of man rebelling against his creator and our neighbors, city, and country. We generally live in the “Seven Deadlies” category—no wonder we can’t be emotionally available to our spouses, children, siblings, or parents. We were just too selfish ever to consider allowing ourselves to give a shit what our brother has to say or feel about. Was McGilchrist right about man’s essential nature? Do we need a messiah bringing propitiation for our sinful nature? Is Merton correct when he speaks about the ontological problem we humans have? Emotionally available challenges we have are only the tip of the iceberg. We genuinely have more significant problems. Enough said about our ontology.
I remember sharing with my morning coffee partner that I finally understood the need for Yeshua to arrive when he did and, later in his life, offered to help us, heal us, and deliver the Holy Spirit for comfort and to teach us in all things. You know, the experience when you have this sense of clarity and understanding when everything just makes sense to you. (And speaking in tongues wasn’t part of his message.) Yeshua, our Messiah, our Savior, came to get us, those who want it, back on track. He came to heal and connect us to a place where we are wise as the “serpents” and understand the world about us. He came to give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts that overflow with life, joy, and peace. And I have been experiencing clarity about many things lately. It is a cumulative thing for me. And this is what I have learned about my life to date. The understanding I have today, my 69th year on this planet, is overwhelming compared to five years ago. Must I expound? The healing of trauma memories is pronounced. My behavior tells me healing is an ongoing reality. The trauma memory doesn’t drive my behavior like it did. Peace and joy are relatively new but ever more present. My anxiety levels are at a minimum, and I can get a good night’s sleep finally. My sleep pattern has been terrible for most of my life. The metabolic disorder I have been diagnosed with has been reduced remarkably over the last five years as well. I have been an anxiety-driven individual living in a “fight or flight” existence since I was a child due to trauma, and I have learned that a learning disorder plagued me due to high anxiety levels. The definition of salvation also means to experience healing for many of us on the planet. I have been ministering to men recently who have lived with the “fight or flight” all their adult lives.
Salvation is a word to describe our Messiah’s offering to humanity, and salvation is what he is offering! Yeshua offers us the option to shed the ontology we all operate in. We are born into a world where our ontology: sin, rebellion, hate, murderous, abusive narcissism are what we get. If we want to operate outside of “sin,” Yeshua makes the transformative work of the Holy Spirit available to get it done. Yeshua makes this available through the Holy Spirit if you want to be wise and understanding. The natural healing and learning is accomplished in his “taking up” residence in your very flesh.
When it comes to the “fruit of the spirit,” we have available to us the ability to be a person who can genuinely love themselves, our neighbor, and God. Who wouldn’t want to transcend their greedy, selfish ways and aspire to be someone who knows how to genuinely live, let alone be emotionally available to their spouse and children and love them completely? Salvation is available to us. Just ask, and you will receive all that Yeshua said he came to do for you. Be patient; you may have years of things to work through. I was able to start my journey with a 12-step group in Wichita, Kansas, when I was about 30 years old. I was an absolute mess then and drank a lot. Relationships never worked out. I tried religion but didn’t get much remedy there. But it all stacked up in the long run, and healing began slowly. Again, be patient with yourself. Find someone to talk with and work out the memories you’re dealing with, the ones that have caused you the most pain. The ministering people better understand the causes of anxiety and anger. They get the part that trauma memory plays in our behaviors. Ask God for help and healing. He hears you. He loves you. Yeshua sent us the Holy Spirit to assist you in all things. Soon, you will learn to love yourself. You will one day be able to make yourself emotionally available to your loved ones. And life will have a whole new meaning to you. Truly! And it will not have anything to do with speaking in tongues!
